Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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