so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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