You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
