I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude i'm inner monologue high
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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