I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
