watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
