if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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