becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I didn't notice because vodka
40s are totally the cure
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
