Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
