david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
