i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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