i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Houston, we have a squirter
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
