3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
