Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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