I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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