her vagine was all disorganized.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
