I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
