My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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