New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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