It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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