woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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