the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
