I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you would pick up someone in the library
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
