If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
