called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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