He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
