Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
