Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
