Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
