i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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