I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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