If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
