I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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