Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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