I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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