Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
