THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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