I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
