If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
