She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
