I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
