were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
