It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
