I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
