So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Your cock deserves a montage
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
