Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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