I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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