Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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