If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
