YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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