go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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