Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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