dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
